Dating Coach for Men

How To Have More Fun On First Dates

How To Have More Fun On First Dates

First dates need not be stressful or nerve-wracking. If dating isn’t going to be fun, what’s the point? Dashing Date owner, Kavita Ajwani, is a big believer that the sooner you fall in love with the process of dating, the sooner you’ll fall in love period! Her Q&A below about first dates is packed with tips and suggestions on how to make the most of your dating experiences.


Q: How would you define a "good" first date?

Kavita: A good first date is when two people are present in the moment, they enjoy each others company, the conversation time is shared, questions are asked with authentic interest, and phones are off the table. A romantic spark is the icing on the cake, but a good first date can still happen without one.

Q: Is it OK if a "good" first date doesn't lead to a second
 date? Why or why not?

Kavita: It is absolutely OK for a first date to also be your last date. The goal should not even be to “make it to the second date”. A second date is the product, not the point.

First dates offer so many wonderful opportunities, like the chance to meet a new human and form a connection with them. The chance to learn about them, hear their story, understand what they are looking for in love, and explore deeper than the surface stuff. It’s a chance for you to take some risks and try a different approach and experiment with your dating style. It’s the chance to get to know yourself, to get better at dating, to ask more insightful questions and understand what you truly want and need from a relationship. The more first dates you encounter, the more genuine and intentional your continued search for love will be.

Q: Is it important to have fun on dates, even if they don't lead 
to a relationship? Why or why not?

Kavita: Having fun is key, otherwise, that’s the point? (Pro tip: as soon as it’s not fun anymore, take a short break). Enjoying dating is one of the most important components to dating. If you’re not having fun, your dates are unlikely to have fun either. Finding a relationship takes time, it’s a process and the sooner you fall in love with the process, the sooner you’ll fall in love, period. Whether or not the date goes well, you need to promise yourself that you’ll leave with a smile on your face. You have to make it a point to find the takeaway from each encounter, because I promise, you, if you dig deep enough, there is always something valuable to learn. You need to find the humour in the ugly (pun intended!). You need to think ahead and remind yourself that this is going to be a great story in the near future (if not right away!).

Finally, it’s important to always remind yourself that for each date that doesn’t work out, you are closer to the one that will, especially if you have the right overall mindset. Because if you’re learning and growing, and can stay optimistic, you’re ten steps ahead of where you were before the date.

Q: What are some ways to have more fun on first dates, 
regardless of the date's outcome?

Kavita: Here are my top 5 tips!

1. Lower your expectations!
This is not to be confused with lowering your standards, but rather to stop setting such high standards on how you expect things to unfold on your dates. By doing that, you are creating an environment conducive to failure. Going into the date with an open mind, wonder, and comfort with letting things unfold naturally (AKA how they’re meant to!) will allow for the opportunity to be more happily surprised. Give it a try.

2. Keep it simple.
There is no need to overthink, put pressure on yourself or anything else that takes away from a positive first-date experience. When you notice you’re starting to get caught up in this web of BS (totally normal, BTW!), take a step back and ask yourself, “what would this look like if it were simple?”. Now take a deep breath and reassess. If finding the “perfect location” was stressing you out, go to your neighbourhood bar. If it was what to wear, pick your favourite outfit that you feel most comfortable and confident in, even if you wore it yesterday. Nervous to meet him/her? Keep this in mind: At the end of the day, you’re just meeting another human and exchanging simple words. You’ve done it thousands of times 😉

3. See the person.
What I mean is, really SEE the person. Make an effort to see someone for who they truly are, not the type of person you want them to be. You waste time trying to fit people into a box (which is usually a box of unattainable perfection far from what we really need). Instead, invest your time into seeing someone for themselves and appreciating them for the very fact that they don’t fit in the box. If you put this into practice, you are sure to make far more meaningful connections and enjoy your dating experiences in a more real way.

4. Experiment!
Wanna have more fun? The answer is easy: Experiment! If you keep doing the same things again and again; same questions, same convo, same type of date, same type of person, dating is going to get boring — and FAST. So switch it up! Ask a question you’re tempted to ask but never thought you could, wear something bold, try an unusual activity, break all the first date ‘rules’, speak from the heart, be vulnerable. Do what it takes to keep things interesting for yourself which in turn is sure to make it interesting for your date too.

5. Take breaks.
When you’re not having as much fun anymore, when the thought of going on a date is tiring more than anything else, when it becomes more about FOMO than genuine desire, take a break and re-enter the scene when the feeling is right.

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